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Download/Read When Kids Call the Shots: How to Sei
Download/Read When Kids Call the Shots: How to Sei

Read online or Download When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully -- and Enjoy Being a Parent Again (Full PDF ebook with essay, research paper)
by Sean Grover


Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780814436004
Publisher:
AMACOM Books
Publication date:
06/03/2015
Pages:
224
Sales rank:
132,924
Product dimensions:
5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Overview

 

Rebellious, entitled, disrespectful, many kids pummel their parents with demands, and boss them around with impunity. Experts might label them "difficult" and advise how to "fix" them. But parenting struggles rarely originate from just one side. Instead, they erupt at the volatile intersection of a child's personality with a parent's own insecurities and behaviors. Fixing the child requires fixing yourself.

 

In When Kids Call the Shots, therapist and parenting expert Sean Grover untangles the forces driving family dysfunction, and helps parents assume leadership roles. With a liberating message and perceptive advice, the book explores:

 

Three common bullying styles (defiant, manipulative, anxious) used by kids • Parenting styles (guilt-prone, anxiety-fueled, fix-everything) that contribute to power imbalances • Critical testing periods in a child's development • Coping mechanisms that backfire • Personalized plans for calmly exerting authority in any scenario • And more

 

Caving in to tantrums and threats breeds more of the same. Learn to stop the cycle of abusive behavior and make parenting a pleasure again.

 

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
★ 04/06/2015
Psychotherapist Grover pulls no punches in this parenting manual, labeling out-of-control children and teens as bullies and identifying the parents they mistreat as victims. He categorizes child bullying styles (defiant, manipulative, anxious) and unproductive parenting styles (guilty, anxious, fix-everything). He also provides a helpful map of the interactions that can lead to the escalation of bullying, from developmentally normal behaviors like boundary-testing to crisis situations such as illness, divorce, and unrecognized learning issues. Grover breaks down the basics of healthy emotional development, including self-esteem, structure, and role models. He challenges parents to better communicate with their children while also practicing improved self-care and examining their own family histories, mental landscapes, and coping mechanisms. Overall, Grover’s empowering, motivating approach is highly compassionate to suffering, burnt-out parents without letting them off the hook for becoming self-aware adults who can make consciously better choices for themselves and their children. Agent: Carol Mann, Carol Mann Agency. (June)

Related Subjects

  • ">Child Rearing & Development

    Read an Excerpt

     

    Something’s gone wrong in your relationship with your kid. You can’t put your finger on it. You’re not sure when it happened, you’re not sure how it happened, but you know that you want to make your relationship right again—as soon as possible. There’s only one problem: You haven’t got a clue what to do.

    You coach yourself. “Stay optimistic. It’s just a phase. It will pass. Be positive.” You cross your fingers and hope for the best.

    But such thoughts offer little comfort. When your relationship with your kid is out of whack, “hope” doesn’t cut it. In fact, nothing in your life feels right. You spend many sleepless nights feeling brokenhearted and lost. I know—I’ve been there.

    Parenting is a messy business, filled with unexpected turns and twists. You need new skills to overcome these problems—and fast. Even the most devoted parents can feel flummoxed by their kids.

    “I thought I was doing everything right. Why is this happening?”

    Rebooting Your Relationship

    Seeking professional advice is always a good idea, but before you spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on therapy, behavior modification programs, or medication or submit your child to personality assessments and neurological testing, let’s consider some steps that you can take right now.

    Children are complicated, but their needs are not. As we’ll learn in Chapter 2, every child has five basic needs. Meet those five needs, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly your kid’s behavior and mood improve. However, if those essential needs aren’t met, turning around your relationship with your kid could be infinitely more difficult.

    Rather than muck up parenting with too much analysis or obsessiveness, let’s keep it simple and stick to basics. Often, the solutions to problems in your relationship are hiding in plain sight. In fact, remedying your situation with your kid could be easier than you think.

    For example, for quite a while I had a leak under my kitchen sink. No matter what I did, the leak reappeared. Plumbers told me that the pipes were installed wrong, the drain was off center, the sink had to be moved. Each estimate was for hundreds of dollars that I didn’t want to spend. After all, it was just a tiny drip!

    So I went to my local hardware store and spoke to one of the old-timers. Without missing a beat, he said, “Try changing the washers.” He sold me three thirty-five-cent washers. And the pipes never leaked again.

    So before you freak out and hire an army of mental health professionals to fix your kid, before you research social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, or psychotherapists (I’ll explain exactly what these folks do in Chapter 7), before you blame yourself or your partner or spend sleepless nights feeling guilty, take a moment and consider this: You don’t need to start all over; you might just need to change the washers.

     



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